Anger
by duchess-of-shipping
Summary: She was constantly scared, constantly tired, constantly distant. But another constant was Noodle's anger. (A bit of a dive into what Noodle might have been feeling before Phase 4 dropped and straight after Phase 3 ended.)


Noodle was angry, among other things.

Sure, she was constantly cared, constantly worried, and constantly distant with everyone.

But another constant was her anger.

She was angry that those guys had attacked her. She was angry that the camera crew up there in the windmill with her hadn't helped her out. She was angry that she'd been so close to Kong, and then she was bombed. She was angry that she now has to live with a cyborg with her face.

(Who doesn't seem to be warming up to the idea at all, either; at least they had that in common.)

She was angry that Murdoc or 2D hadn't protested to the windmill idea when it was first proposed.

She was angry that Murdoc had ignored her mayday message, or that he hadn't told at least Russel about it.

Or, at least, she was angry that he might have not even gotten it.

(Though, she was more angry at the Telegram machine than Murdoc, if that was the case.)

She was angry that fire scares her more than ever.

(Which made her angry that she couldn't be near Russel once he was small enough to fit into the Gorillaz' kitchen; she'd always loved to watch him cook.)

She was angry that Russel holds her a little tighter in their hugs, like he couldn't believe she was still alive.

(She's also angry that he even has to; if that windmill thing hadn't happened, Russel would have never clutched her like that in their hugs.)

She's angry that loud noises send her into a panic attack. She hates that the idea of new people paralyze her.

(Though this fear mostly stems from the fact that anyone she met could work for that guy that tried to kill her in the first place.)

She's angry that just a simple hand on her shoulder or a brush against her thigh from the kitchen counter could scare her so bad that her brain's first instinct is to hurt the person touching her.

(Which resulted in the counter breaking, Russel being elbowed in the stomach, 2D being punched in the face, and Murdoc kicked in the balls.)

She's angry that, before this, she loved affection; She loved 2D's hair-ruffles, Murdoc's side-hugs, and Russel's bear hugs.

(Russel's bear hugs had actually been the thing she was mostly looking forward to.)

She was angry that she could still feel the demons digging their claws into her shoulder. She's angry that she could still feel their talon-like tongues on her neck, lapping at the blood they spilled. She's angry that her face doesn't look the way it used to, with her yellow bruises and her left black eye, and her burn marks that didn't truly ever heal. She's angry that she can still sometimes feel the fires licking at her ankles and climbing up her body, swallowing her whole.

She's angry that she doesn't know how to make it stop.

She's angry that 2D and Murdoc fight over what they should have done to save her. She was angry that 2D and Murdoc weren't on good terms anymore.

(The last vivid memory she had with the rest of the was when they were at the arcade. Russel hadn't understood most of the gameplay, but he stuck by her side faithfully anyway, and 2D and Murdoc had been laughing and battling each other Mortal Kombat and having fun regardless if they won or lost.)

She's angry that they can't have any of the fun they used to have with each other.

She's angry that she has nightmares every night about what happened when she was trapped in Hell and what might have happened if she hadn't come back. She's angry that that cyborg has to exist and do whatever Murdoc tells her to.

(When Cyborg clearly has ideas and crushes and music tastes of her own that are wasted on shooting everyone Murdoc hates.)

Sometimes, she's angry that she was even sent to the Gorillaz in the first place.

(Though the years she's spent with them and the years she will spend with them after this, she wouldn't trade for the world.)

And, on particularly bad nights, she's angry that they hadn't just sent her back, or that she hadn't really been killed as part of the super solider thing she'd been apart of as a child.

She's angry that Russel had to swim through a goddamn radioactive ocean just to get her back safely. She's angry that he had to undergo a mutation that affected his life greatly just to find her.

But, the thing she's most angry about was that Russel, too, had nightmares.

(He hadn't actually shared them with her of course but she'd overheard when Russel would share them with 2D, as he would have been the only one to listen.)

He'd seemed to have every nightmare possible about the accident.

He'd had one about her actually dying.

He'd had one about her at the foot of his bed, mocking him about him not saving her.

He'd had one about him getting to the sight, only to see her crash and burn.

He'd had one about her actually getting trapped in Hell and having to go through torture upon torture for eternity.

He'd even had one about him shoving her out of the windmill, only to die in her place (If that had happened, she wouldn't have known what to do with herself).

Not only does she have to go through this, but it spread to Russel, too, who was one of the people she cared about the most. With this revelation, the tight hugs and the crying in the middle of the night made sense.

Regardless, Noodle was angry.

And her anger didn't show any sign of stopping.


End file.
